Therapy? Friends? Family? Achievements?
Meh, I prefer the TV.
At least, you decide the time and place without fighting to get an appointment, you get to hear whatever you like, and you can always tell it to shut up at the push of a button.
Now, some people will say that's unhealthy, unproductive, unsomething, unanything, or simply, un. Well, screw them! Who are they, anyway? Are they the ones making millions out of stupid remarks by nonexistant characters seen by thousands upon thousands of people accross the globe? No! They're nobodys! I bet they don't even use their cars 'cuz of the ozone layer. And I bet they heard about that on TV.
You know what? Next time I get another of those bookie freaks calling it the "idiot box", I'll just toss my artificially cheesy nachos right at his head! BAM!
But wait! that's a terrible waste of perfectly good nachos! That means I don't get my everyday ISDA requirement of Cholesterol! I guess I'll just burp into their faces then. A little coke-fizz to knock'em back to their senses.
I mean, think about it: You don't have to go anywhere else, you can just sit at home! Who needs a friend when you've got FRIENDS? In plural? (And, just between us, aren't Jennifer Aniston and Lisa Kudrow much better than the real thing?) Who needs a pshrink when you've got HUFF? A lawyer, when you can actually sit in your living room and get some JUSTICE? Or better yet, HEROES? And when everything else is not your type, or you get one of those rare, symptomatic, alarming "outdoor" craves, you can always get LOST.
Just be sure to put your TV in a room close to the bathroom (heck, why not in the bathroom itself?), and keep the coffee maker and the microwave on and loaded.
